Where to find me beyond this site.

I just finished Dr. Anne Welsh’s new book, Ambitious Mother, where she writes about what she calls the Ambition Paradox for women. Reading it helped me finally understand the past three months of my life.

Here’s something a lot of you don’t know about me. I spent the majority of my son’s school years since his autism diagnosis homeschooling him because no school was able to really support him in the way he needed to not just survive learning, but thrive.

My days looked like this: meetings with European clients before he woke up, teaching him through the morning, East Coast clients in the afternoon, and West Coast clients in the evening, often right up to bedtime or after he was asleep. That schedule allowed me to run my own business while supporting him the way he needed.

“I hid it… as if being a single mom homeschooling her son while running a business was something to be concerned about.”

And here’s the part I’m not proud of: I hid it. For years, I kept this from my clients. I scheduled around it, worked around it, and never let on, as if being a single mom homeschooling her son while running a business was something to be concerned about. Something that might make me look less committed, less available, less serious. When really, it was the opposite. It was a badge of how hard I work and how much I want to show up, for him and for the people I serve.

This past year, he grew to a point where he could join a global cyber program while still learning from home. Others became part of his support system, which gave me a little more time to focus on what I really believe in: supporting leaders and founders, and finding ways to create economic opportunity.

“Watching him learn to advocate for himself made room for me to build something of my own.”

Last fall, I created Socratyc Sidekick. The product, the partnership, the brand, the content, the marketing, all of it. As he grew, so could I. He was still home, and I still had a lot to coordinate, but I felt a little more balanced. Watching him learn to advocate for himself made room for me to build something of my own.

In her book, Dr. Welsh names the three Ps that weigh ambitious mothers down: perfectionism, people-pleasing, and pretending. I nodded along when I read them. Perfectionism, it turns out, was the one I knew best. But it wasn’t until I was accepted into gener8tor’s gBETA program, working alongside founders close to half my age, that I really understood what those words meant in my own life.

Every single day, I was making decisions between what my business needed and what my son needed. I got to the point where I felt like I was never doing anything well, and there were no more days, hours, or time left to add to the calendar. (So if I spaced on, canceled, or moved our meeting during this time, I promise, it’s not you… it was me, and I promise to make it up to you!!)

I want to be clear: I know I’m in a really fortunate position. I get to be an entrepreneur, be home as a single mom, and support him in a way many parents simply can’t. I don’t take that for granted. And still, these were some of the most difficult months of my life. Running my business. Trying to do a good job in the accelerator, and be the “perfect overachiever” I’ve always been in school and work. Trying really hard to be a good mom.

“The thought underneath it all: I’m giving up so much time with my son that this has to be perfect. ”

Thankfully, his dad was able to spend more time with him during that stretch, which let me give my very best to the work in front of me. But that’s exactly when the Ambition Paradox crept in- missing an entire summer. I felt it when I was building a weekly overview, preparing for my pitch, or putting together a presentation. The thought underneath it all: I’m giving up so much time with my son that this has to be perfect. Whether it was the SheBuilds experience, pitch prep, or getting everything ready for the Investor Summit, I set an unreasonably high bar for everything, knowing full well there wasn’t enough time to do it all.

Knowing there was an end in sight helped. What started as a trip to Pittsburgh to find investors for my business quickly turned into something different.

I made a call I normally would never make: I brought my little friend with me on the day of the Summit, workout pants, Crocs, and all. (Shout out to the sensory kid moms who get why he wasn’t in a suit or “presentable shoes.”) The one who has been with me since day one, who watches every single move I make. He saw me work so hard on websites, flyers, and presentations. He listened to my pitch a million times on our six-hour drive. He watched me show up for other people in the cohort the day of the event. He sat with me at the presentation, giving me little pep talks. He sat with me at the booth afterward, speaking to attendees. He saw the culmination of a true, group, three-month effort. And he saw, IRL, me trying to be the person I’m always telling him to be.

“There I was, literally choosing between my business and my son in this one little way.”

So when he started patting my head while an investor was talking to me, asking for a snack and a drink of water, I had to chuckle. There I was, literally choosing between my business and my son in this one little way.

Spoiler alert: I chose the snack. Not the best business decision, but the least I could do for my littlest cofounder.

That day will stick with me for the rest of my life. I will never be content being either/or, because I know I have much to do while I’m here. But I will no longer be ashamed of what my entire life looks like. I’m a better leader, founder, and human because I’m a mom. And I’m a better mom because I’ve taken this opportunity to bet on myself and my career in a way that actually works.

It felt fitting that the book came out the very day I presented. Listening to the audiobook while I got ready that morning was powerful in a way I can’t fully explain.

As Dr. Welsh writes, to show up for our kids, we also need to show up for ourselves. The balance might never feel right. But our kids know we are there for them, and they see us building a future that matters, whatever that looks like. It might be messy. It might not be pretty. But we’re working it out together. He knows that his “momma” does what she does because she truly cares about the founders, leaders, clients, and connections around her, and because she has the tools and the knowledge to provide real support, regardless of income level or vertical.

I’m sure I will always feel torn between having ambition and being a good mom, because there are always tradeoffs.

“But I am doing my best, holding onto an important reminder: living out your dreams, whether that’s staying home to raise kids, being a founder or entrepreneur out in the world, or being deeply invested in a hobby, makes moms MORE engaged, and maybe even better parents.”

It was a good reminder that we might not be able to perfectly “have it all” the way we were once told, but we can grow together and model what it means to put our hearts into everything we do.

Here’s more about her book to buy for yourself, your partner, your friend, or even with HR:

https://www.drannewelsh.com/ambitious-mother-book